


Ugly Love

by Annabelleleigh73



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ben - Freeform, Blood, Dean - Freeform, Demon Dean, F/M, Lisa - Freeform, Mark of Cain, Sam - Freeform, Violence, ben braeden - Freeform, crowley - Freeform, lisa braeden - Freeform, rape implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-18 09:05:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5919694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annabelleleigh73/pseuds/Annabelleleigh73
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader is in an established relationship with Dean...<br/>This happens during the time Dean has the Mark</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This does not follow canon. Reader is with Sam when he brings Dean back to the bunker after Metaron kills Dean.  
> Some violence, not too graphic but I did want to warn just in case it was for someone

Y/n stopped herself before throwing her phone at the bedroom wall instead she gripped it so hard that the plastic case creaked. She didn't stop herself from screaming long and loud in frustration. She fell back onto her bed with another small scream. She fought the urge to kick her feet and pound her feet in a tantrum. 

"That man is a colossal pain in my ass!", she yelled up at the ceiling. Only the cobwebs fluttered silently back in response. She lay there motionless before sitting up with a huff.

Y/n stomped off into her kitchen to fix a cup of coffee. Her mug was in danger of shattering by the force of her slamming it down, not to mention her coffee pot. She took sadistic pleasure in jabbing the button of her coffee grinder. So much so, that she ended up with a lot more ground coffee than she needed. Y/n unfairly blamed this on Dean. "Stupid man...", she muttered putting the extra in a air tight container for later.

Y/n calmed down somewhat as she watched her coffee drip down into the carafe. She inhaled the aroma of brewing coffee and exhaled thinking calming thoughts of murder and mayhem. When Sam called a few minutes later, she was almost reasonably calm. Almost.

"What, Sam?", she snapped sloshing cream into her mug. She glared at the drops that dared to splash out onto her counter. It seemed she was going to take offense at a lot today, stupid, stupid man....

"So...how are you?", he asked innocently, already knowing the answer. 

"Really, Sam? You know exactly what's going on...why else would you call? What has he done this time?", she muttered, contemplating also adding a fifth of whiskey to her coffee. She decided against it. It was only 10:30 in the morning.

"Well... it's not as bad as last time.", he told her. Last time Dean had decided to destroy one of the vintage cars in the Men of Letter's garage. It had taken quite a while for him to rebuild it. 

"He's getting worse." Sam told her helplessly, making it sound both like an apology and an excuse.

"No shit, Sherlock.", she responded and thought screw it before pouring a generous helping of liquid courage into her coffee. Y/n squinted her eyes to study the remainder of alcohol in the bottle, shrugged and added the rest.

Y/n pinched the bridge of her nose and apologized, "I'm sorry, Sam. I know this is harder on you. You are with him all the time."

"It's okay, Y/n", Sam sighed wearily.

"No, it's not Sam! I shouldn't be taking my frustration with your dumbass brother out on you. I just wish he would stop pushing me away.", Y/n told him harshly.

"He's trying to protect you. You saw what he was...before.", Sam reasoned with her. This was an old song and dance. She was so, so tired of the tune.

"Yeah, I did...just...just keep me posted, ok?", she asked as she rang off. Sam agreed with a patented Sam sigh. After the phone call, she let her coffee turn ice cold as she remembered...

 

\------------

Six Months earlier

Y/n was in the middle of cleaning her gun, when her cell phone rang. Glancing over, she saw it was Sam and decided to answer instead of ignoring it. If had been anyone else, that would have been her normal course of action. Ten minutes later, she wish she had chosen to let it go to voice mail.

Trying to stem the tears that kept coursing down her cheeks, she drove to the bunker where she was to meet Sam. The Impala rumbled up and into the garage, where she followed inside with her own car. Y/n sat in denial as the wrong driver unfolded himself from behind the steering wheel. 

Sam's flannel shirt was covered with blood, his face smeared with it. Y/n refused to think about where and who the blood had come from. Upon further inspection, it also looked like his hair was matted with it. His face was puffy and tear streaked. Once he got out of the car, Sam leaned defeatedly by the back door, resting his forearms on the roof of the black car, his forehead touching the cold black metal. His shoulders heaved with sobs. Y/n could hear them from her car. At least until her answering wails blocked the sound.

Finally the sobs he had held in for hundreds of miles eased and he opened the back door. He moved as if he had aged a thousand years. His shoulders were slumped and his hands shook like an old man's 

Slowly, slowly Y/n got out of her own car and just as slowly went to the Impala to join Sam. Peering under his arm, she saw Dean bloody and still. Choking back a sob, she moved out of Sam's way as he carried his brother into the bunker.

Sam wouldn't let her help clean up Dean but left her to stand helplessly in the library to stare unseeing at a bookcase. Y/n reached up to grasp a book but her hand froze on the spine as she stood there unmoving. After a while, her hand slid from the shelf, dragging the book down as well. She didn't even flinch at the resulting crash.

Y/n didn't know how long she stood there but she was sluggish as if she had been woken from the middle of a deep dream heavy sleep. Except not a dream, a nightmare. Sam had to call to her several times from the hallway outside Dean's room before she could even make her brain understand who was calling her and what he was saying. Her name sounded like a foreign language. It felt as if every muscle had forgotten how to function and the air in her lungs felt like lead. 

Y/n's footsteps were heavy as she shuffled down the hall to stand silently beside Sam. Y/n looked in the room where Dean's body was laid out on his bed and began to quietly cry. Sam drew in a shuddering deep breath, laid a heavy hand in her shoulder, then disappeared down the hall.

Y/n was left alone to stare at the montionless body on the bed. At some point, she crept into the room and crawled upon to the bed. Without thought she laid her head on his chest, weeping harder at the absence of sound from beneath her. Soon there were no more tears.

Y/n kissed his cold cheek, trying not to shudder at the contrast from the last time she had touched him, warm and so...there. She got up from the bed, smooth down his hair, and feeling ancient left the bunker without turning around.

It was a week later before Sam contacted her.

"I need you to listen to me and I need you to trust me.", Sam started without a greeting.

Y/n was barely able to reply ok before he began, "Has Dean tried to contact you?"

Y/n stood wordlessly for two heartbeats, her own heart breaking, "Um...Sam, Dean is dead.". Her voice cracked on the last word.

"That's the thing, Y/n. He's not.", Sam argued. He sounded very sure of himself and very delusional.

Y/n began to get very angry, "Sam..he is. I saw him. I touched him. He's dead!" Her voice rose at the end but Sam overrode her.

"Y/n...he's not. He's...he's with Crowley.", Sam informed her.

Those last three words caused her blood to rush to her feet and she felt ice cold. If Dean were indeed alive and he was with Crowley, then things were really really bad.

"Where?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Dean flash back to when reader finds Dean and Crowely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, not canon...diverging a wee bit from that path to what could have happened

Y/n jerked from her memories at the ringing of her phone. Glancing down, she saw it was Sam again. It was the third time he had called since two hours earlier, except this was the first time she had heard it. This was one of the many times black holes in her days. Since Dean's death, demonic change and supposed return, she found herself losing chunks of time, time gone that she couldn't account for.

It had started small. She would be in her kitchen washing dishes and then come to herself brushing her teeth. Or tying her shoes in her bedroom and then be outside by her mailbox, flipping through her mail. Five to ten minutes lapsing without a clue how. 

The scariest one had been the day she found herself twenty-five miles west of Lebanon, sitting in her car, parked at a Gas and Sip. She had a coffee in her hand and candy bar in her lap. Y/n sat there without a clue where she was and how she had gotten there. In a panic she silently screamed for Cas.

The angel appeared almost immediately. When he discovered what had happened, he drove her car back to her house. Y/n clutched his sleeve and cried the entire drive back. After that, Sam would call periodically and Castiel made a point of checking in at least once a week.

They both would off handedly inform Dean what was happening. He never made comment and he never made contact with her directly himself. He would listen, not once looking at them or even indicating he heard. And he never mentioned her by name, ever. 

Y/n returned Sam's call. "Y/n, you ok?", he asked immediately.

"Yeah, yeah...I was taking a shower and had the mute on. Just forgot to turn it back on.", she lied easily.

"Ok..", Sam accepted her explination not believing a word of it. "Hey, we're going on a salt and burn a state over. I was wondering if you wanted to join us. Should be back in a few hours."

Y/n looked down at the clothes she was wearing. They were the same clothes she had on two days ago, the last time Sam saw her. She knew her hair was plastered to her head from not being washed in as many days. She would be caught in the lie he already didn't believe. 

"Nah, y'all go on without me. I've some stuff to take care of. Has...has Dean said anything about earlier?", she asked chewing the corner of her thumb nail.

"Ah..no, but...well..", Sam hesitated but Y/n cut him off. "It's ok Sam," she stopped him.

He hung up saying he would call later and that Cas had mentioned he would visit in a day or so. Y/n hung up without replying. 

\---

Dean sat in the driver's seat, listening to Sam talk with Y/n. Sam had been trying to get her on the phone when they had decided to take the salt and burn. Ever since his return to so called living, Sam had tried to get Y/n to join them on the easy stuff, each time she declined with an excuse. Dean knew it was because of him.

Y/n wasn't avoiding him necessarily, she tried to call and talk with him several times. Each time he made a point to end the call as quickly as possible -why prolong the agony. Dean would purposely start a fight, causing her to get angry and lash out. The call always ended with her yelling in anger at him. It was so much better to hear her anger than hear the pain in her voice and her screams in his memory. 

\------

5 months earlier 

Somehow, Y/n had been able to find Dean before Sam. It was never determined if Dean had intended it that way or not, but that's how it played out. 

She had walked into the dive, eyes searching and landing on the familiar figure sitting at the bar. It was Crowley who had noticed her first.

"Well, hello...it seems that the little Winchester pet is as good at tracking as her masters.", he had almost purred at the sight of her standing in the door way.

Dean had turned halfway on his stool and grunted in acknowledgment. He was about to dismiss her completely until he saw the gleam of interest in Crowley's eyes. This prompted him to swagger up to her. To make claim to his property.

Y/n's face paled when he approached and she murmured, "I didn't believe him but he was telling the truth. You're alive..." 

Dean smirked and led her to the bar. Y/n followed willingly enough but chose to sit the farthest away from Crowley. If she had known before hand, she would have realized he was the lesser threat. 

Dean slapped the bar and announced, "A beer for my favorite girl." He leered at the waitress across the room and she frowned at Y/n perched beside Dean. Dean antagonized the lady further by draping an arm around y/n's shoulder.

Y/n couldn't help but shiver under the weight of his arm. There was something off , yet Y/n couldn't quite figure out what it was. This man wore Dean's face, used his voice..but..with Crowley present she tried to dismiss it as being only that. Dean willingly being with Crowley for an extended period of time was not normal. That could have him acting differently. 

During the course of the evening, Y/n studied Dean. His humor seemed meaner, more crass; his face harder. It was undeniable that he was different. 

Dean also drank more, a lot more. And that was saying something. She tried to call her limit several hours earlier but he was very insistent that she drink with him. She was lucky she had been able to get by with nursing her last drink, but she could tell she had drank more than she was use to. 

That's the excuse she made anyway when she found herself alone with him in his hotel room. He shoved the door shut with his foot, arms around her waist. Y/n closed her eyes and let herself get lost in his kisses. His lips were warm against hers and his hands still fit so perfectly on her hips. It was just like before except he was being a little more rough than he normally would have been. Y/n tried to ignore that difference and she almost succeeded. What she couldn't ignore was the knife at her throat.

\----

Dean was enthralled with how easy it had been to get her alone. Even easier than the chick that worked behind the bar the night before. Although he suspected she would have spread her legs for any dick. But...Y/n? He mused that it was her feelings for him being the reason she had been so willing. It was like taking candy from a baby...or the innocence...

It thrilled him when she made small whimpers when he gripped or pinched just a bit too hard. And he couldn't shake the idea of how her pale skin would be a lovely contrast with the red of her blood. She had tried to push him away when he bit her lip hard, just thinking about it. He could taste her blood on his tongue. Therefore, he wasn't surprised when he had a knife to her neck, although he couldn't remember taking it up.

Her breathless , "What are you doing, Dean?", caused an electric burn to thrum through his veins. It was only natural that her screams set him on fire. 

Too bad, Sammy came and spoiled all the fun.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's flashback to when he finds Demon Dean at the bar...not canon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lifted some of the scene at the bar but deviated in order to fit my storyline ..so it's not canon but has elements.  
> Warning, there is a graphic description of the result of torture...please don't read if it will bother you. Don't want to upset anyone.  
> Hope you enjoy..or well...Dean seems a bit darker here than in the show so...I wasn't his biggest fan as I wrote this and I loooove Dean!

Sam sat in the passenger seat of the Impala, staring out the window not seeing the scenery as it rushed passed. What he did see would forever haunted him, awake and asleep. 

\---

5 months earlier

Y/n had refused to believe Sam at first concerning his brother's supposed resurrection. After hours of arguing, somehow he had managed to convince her. Convinced her enough to start looking for Dean on her own. Sam had tried to warn her that he was with Crowley and that trying to find him alone probably wasn't a good idea. He argued with her almost as long as he when he had tried to convince her Dean was still alive. Y/n never listened to Dean when he warned her off of certain hunts, why did he think she would listen to him?

Now, Sam was careening down the road, breaking the speed limit based on information given to him by sources. Pushing the Impala to her limits, his nerves pushed to theirs. Dean had been located and it was confirmed that Y/n had been with him. No other detail was given to him, whether by stubborn choice or not actually knowing but either way Sam's gut twisted as he drove. Y/n hadn't answered her phone in three days.

Sam found the bar and with the motel Dean had been staying nearby. The Impala slid on the gravel as he slammed the brakes. He hesitated only for a second, determining where he might easily find Dean. Sam went to the bar first. 

And there was Dean, calmly sitting at the piano. He was picking out a song which sounded familiar but Sam couldn't place it and really didn't care to at the time. Dean picked up his drink and took a long unhurried swallow. 

Dean asked about his shoulder, which at the time was up in a sling. Sam brushed aside the question and began his own line of questions about what had been happening and the location of Y/n. 

"We can fix this, Dean. We know the cure.", Sam insisted.

"I'm not leaving with you, Sam. You gonna kill me, Sammy?", Dean asked him.

"No," Sam grated through clenched teeth. His hands were fisted in frustration. His heart was pounding out of his chest and Dean...Dean seemed so damn calm.

"Why not? You don't know what I've done, Sam. I might deserve it.", Dean told him walking towards the exit. He turned his back on Sam as if taunting him, as if he didn't think Sam could take him.

"Well, I don't care. You're my brother, Dean. I'm taking you home.", Sam snapped following behind him, pulling a set of handcuffs engraved with demon traps out of his back pocket.

Dean laughed, "You might care...when you find out."

Then things when to hell in a hurry. Sam was about to cuff Dean when that ass hole, Cole, tossed in the tear gas. Cole knocked Sam out and he missed a lot of what went on between Dean and Cole, but Cole distracted Dean long enough for Sam to douse Dean with holy water and cuff him.

It was then, after Sam was finally able to secure Dean, that Dean finally told Sam where y/n was. 

"Yeah, would be a damn shame to leave that pretty little thing alone.", Dean stated while Sam fumbled with the motel door. 

The door finally swung open into the darkened room and Sam entered cautiously, quietly listening for anything out of the ordinary. He couldn't hear over the air condition unit by the door. 

Dean wasn't so quiet, he continued to talk while leaning against the doorframe as if he didn't have a care in world.

"She can be lots of fun, " Dean observed. "I know I enjoyed my time with her."

Sam's eyes adjusted to the dark and that's when he saw her, motionless and silent. Y/n was tied to a chair, arms to the armrests, legs lashed to the front legs of the wooden chair. Her clothes were in shreds, where you could see them through the blood, oh god, the blood Sam moaned in his head. He didn't think there was an inch of skin left untouched. Her head was falling low between her shoulders, her wrist and ankles raw from the binding and hanging limp. 

Sam crept closer, hands extended as if he were approaching an injured animal even though she gave no indication she was concious or even alive. He was right in front of her not even beginning to know where to start. Her hair hung in blood matted tendrils and oh my god, she had tried to chew through her wrist bindings, tearing her own flesh. Sam sank to his knees, fighting to keep the contents of his stomach down. 

"Yeah, Sammy, lots of fun, you should try her out. Except for one thing...", Dean sighed, sounding almost sad. "I broke her."

\-----

"Hey, Sam!" Sam's head jerked up from against the window where it had fallen in his sleep. 

"Hey, sleeping beauty, rise and shine. We're here.", Dean announced cutting the engine of the Impala.

Sam gave a quirk of his lips, fighting back the memory. Fighting back against the one time he probably could have killed his brother without a second thought and holding on to the one thing that stopped him now and had stopped him that day.The only thing that had stayed his hand and echoed in his mind every minute ever since. A harsh, almost croaking whisper from a throat ravaged by screams and from hands that choked it. A whisper that slayed his heart, confirmed his own thoughts and kept him from fraticide.

"That's not Dean...."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas remembers the day he helped Sam recover Dean and heal reader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still diverging from canon, using some of the same storyline to move this one though  
> Description of how reader looks so be warn, not too graphic but just wanted to let you know just in case  
> I had a harder time writing this chapter, I don't know why. Let me know how it flows

Cas always called ahead of time before appearing at y/n house. He use to be able to just appear and y/n would laugh as she greeted him. She had seemed to take great delight in him being able to just appear out of no where.

Her absolute favorite was when he would appear too close to Dean causing the man to yell in frustration. Her giggles made the usually stoic angel smile and he knew Dean had loved the sound as well because Cas noticed he would ham it up to make her laugh harder. It had been wonderful sound. 

The first time he appeared unannounced since....that day...she had screamed, curling up into herself. Sam had drawn on him by reflex while placing himself between Y/n and the perceived danger. And Dean? Dean had just stood there hands clenched in fists, just watching her terror. As if punishing himself. 

Sam had berated the angel while Cas apologized profusely for his thoughtlessness. Y/n had tried to tell him it was okay, that she was okay. Dean spoke once before leaving the library to drink himself into oblivion. "No, you're not. And it's my fault."

Cas sighed as he waited for Y/n to answer her phone and he remembered.....

\-------

5 months earlier 

Cas was with Hannah when he received the second call from Sam. He told Cas that he had Dean and Y/n and Cas needed to get to the bunker as quick as possible. With his grace fading Cas wasn't sure what help he would be able to provide. Hannah was against his going to Sam's aid, especially in his current condition.

After a...gift ...from Crowley, Cas was able to make it to the bunker, and prevent Dean from trying to kill Sam. Cas had carried the man back to the dungeon and strapped him down where Sam was able to administer the final dose of purified blood. Sam had yet to tell Cas where Y/n was and the extent of her injuries. He had been busy dealing with Dean. 

Cas stood idly in the library until he finally decided to look for Y/n on his own. He strode down the hall, heading for her room she used when she would visit the bunker. Peering in, he saw her on the bed, lying very still. Quietly he stepped in and turned on the bedside lamp. 

Y/n was so weak, she barely flinched. Cas was astonished at what he saw before him. Her face was swollen from being punched, her throat swollen where she had been strangled repeatedly, and cuts were visible on every inch of her body. Sam had cleaned her up somewhat and draped a bed sheet to preserve her modesty, although her body was so mutilated, it looked as if she wore a body suit of red. How could Sam not have told him immediately? 

She peeked out from beneath her lashes and whispered, "Hey, Cas..."

Cas had to clear his throat twice before he was able to reply, "Hello, Y/n" It came out strangled. 

"Sorry about...how I look...would have cleaned up if I had known I was going to have a visitor, " she tried to smile but the cuts on her face hurt too much.

Without thought, Cas reached out and touched two fingers to her forehead. His powers had already faded considerably after subduing Dean, but he had to do something. He also read her memories and his blood grew cold at what he saw. Then he felt rage. White hot rage that wanted to burn away what he had seen and who had done it.

Y/n suspected he had seen her memories by the change on his face. Y/n was overcome with heavy burden of sadness. She had never witnessed such anger on his otherwise neutral face and now this anger was directed at Dean. Cas dropped his hand from her forehead and turned towards the door, murderous rage still on his face.

Y/n could feel that her body was healing and she felt stronger. She was able to sit up and grasp the edge of his trenchcoat, "Stop...Cas...it wasn't him...it wasn't Dean."

Cas stopped and turned half-way towards her, she could see his jaw muscle clench as he worked through what she was saying to him. "It had his face, his voice..his..body... but that wasn't him...that wasn't him..." Cas pulled his trenchcoat gently out of her grasp and continued towards the door. He heard her parting whisper, "I can't let it be him..."

Cas returned to the library and picked a random book off a shelf. He flipped it open but his eyes were not seeing the text. They were replaying the images he had gotten from Y/n's mind and he fought against his anger, focusing on what she had said. 

Sam found him, saying, "Hey, Dean's kinda of out of it, but I think he's better."

Cas's grip on the book tightened, "He still has the Mark, Sam."

Sam sighed, "One battle at time. I'm going to go get him some food."

Cas nodded and once Sam left, he made his way to Dean's room. Cas stood outside the door, looking at the sleeping man on the bed. He couldn't help but think of the woman sleeping a few doors down and he let his Angel blade drop into his hand. 

"Hey, Cas...", Dean rasped from the bed. It was obvious this man was different from the one who had struggled with him back to the dungeon and from the one in Y/n's nightmares. Cas sighed, "Hello, Dean.", as he retracted the blade back up his sleeve and entered the room. 

The angel stood silently by Dean's bed, while the man struggled with what he wanted to say.

"H..have you, um..seen Y/n?", Dean finally stammered not looking the angel but fisted the sheets while he waited for Cas's answer.

"Yes, Dean...I have seen Y/n. I did what I could to help her.", Cas told him without expression.

Dean gave a small nod and swallowed hard, "Did...uh..she tell you how..what..." Dean couldn't finish his question and turned his head away so that Cas wouldn't see the tears that were beginning to well up.

"No, she didn't tell me...I saw her memories", Cas couldn't help but let some of his rage bleed through in his voice as Dean struggled to control himself. Dean nodded and didn't answer. Then Cas told him thinking to comfort him, "She did tell me it wasn't you. That she believes it was something else."

Dean rubbed his eyes and held back a sob. Cas turned to leave when Dean spoke again, his voice was firm "It was me, Cas. I...I can still hear her scream....I c..can still feel her skin giving under the knife....s..smell her blood...see it on my hands. But that's not the worse..."

Cas paused at the door, not sure if he wanted to continue hearing his friend confess to the mutalation of the woman he cared for. "She told me she loved me...every single time...that she...loved me. When I punched her, when I cut her...when I did things that should have killed her, broken her...it soon became almost as if I were punishing her for saying it. And I never...never want to hear her say it to me again,....because I will never forget what I did and I don't deserve to."

Then Dean asked him to do something that he had asked of Cas before. "Wipe her memory, Cas...wipe it clean and take her far from me, where I can't find her."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and reader argue about the memory wipe. Reader searches for Lisa and Ben

"Hello, Cas." Y/n's voice drew him out of his thoughts.

"Hello, Y/n, may I visit?", Cas asked, nothing in his voice hinting at his having just relived one of his worse days with the Winchesters.

"Of course, Cas. You don't need to call ahead of time.", Y/n assured him. 

Y/n smiled at him when he appeared, a reaction much better than screaming in a fetal position, but her lighthearted laughter was no more. 

"How have you been, Y/n?", Cas asked, perching on the edge of her couch. 

Y/n quirked an eyebrow at him and answered,"I know Sam put you up to visiting and you can tell by my appearance how things are."

It was Cas's turn to lift an eyebrow at her ,"What is wrong with the way you look, Y/n?"

Y/n sighed,"I am wearing the same clothes from your last visit with Sam, Cas. I'm sure I stink....I know my hair looks like a grease pit." Y/n plucked her shirt out with a grimace.

"You are always beautiful, Y/n.", Cas said softly. 

Y/n's lip trembled slightly and she murmured, "How can you say that? You've seen me literally at my worse...you healed me from it."

Cas smiled gently, " That wasn't you...it was, yes...but it wasn't. I see you...all of you. And it's beautiful, even what you claim is ugly, unloveable..."

Tears began slipping down her cheeks, "That is hard for me to believe, but I trust you, and ...it's exactly how I feel about Dean. He just pushes me away so, so hard."

Cas sighed. "He is afraid of hurting you again. The Mark still..."

"That's bullshit, Cas. He kept me at a distance before and the Mark just exacerbated the situation, not to mention his selfish request to have my damn memory wiped!"

\------

4 months earlier

For the last month Dean had been harassing Cas about not having wiped Y/n memory yet. He renewed his argument not long after Cas had sent her into a episode when he appeared unannounced. 

"You saw her Cas, she's broken. It's my fault and I need to do something about that.", he argued, glaring at the equally angry angel. 

"Yes, Dean, you do. But erasing her memory is not the answer.",Cas countered.

"Why the hell not?!", Dean yelled, "It worked before!" 

Y/n came in at the end asking, "What worked before?" She directed her question at Dean but he only glared at Cas and refused to answer. She repeated the question and he turned to walk away, not aknowledging her or her question.

Cas saw Y/n's face fall once again at Dean snubbing her and this angered him into revealing Dean's great plan.

"He wants me to wipe your memory. To erase what..happened.", Cas told her.

"Shut up, Cas!", Dean snapped.

"And it would work?", Y/n asked. 

Cas turned his head away from her and didn't answer. 

"Dean said it worked before, what happened that you had to wipe someone's memory?", Y/n asked.

Dean still refused to answer and Cas began to tell Y/n about Lisa and Ben. He ignored Dean's protests.

Y/n's face was horror stricken, "You had Cas do this without her consent? From what Cas tells me, she loved you, Dean! How could you take that away from her?"

Dean refused to answer and refused to look at her. Y/n moved to place herself in front of him,"Do you care so little about how I feel about you that you would suggest this intrusion?!"

Dean's head snapped up and he snarled, "It's because I care that I want this! I see how you struggle to even be in the room with me sometimes and I can't forget why that is! I'm reminded every time I see you. I'm poison, Y/n, can't you see that? I destroy everything I touch. You can't possibly love something like me!"

Y/n stood there and then said quietly,"Okay, I'll do it." And her heart broke at the many emotions that crossed Dean's face: relief, pain, rejection, sadness until it settled back into an emotionless mask.

"You heard her, Cas. Do it", Dean commanded. He wanted Cas to do it quickly before he changed his mind and fell on his knees in front of her. Falling to his knees, begging her to forgive him, to continue loving him. Except the words stuck in his throat and choked him, just as they had done every day since Sam had brought him back from the dark.

"Except for one thing," Cas's hand stopped an inch from her forehead, "Dean agrees to it as well. Why should I be the only one to forget?"

"Not happening, Y/n....", Dean growled.

"Then I guess I won't be forgetting you anytime soon.", Y/n told him. 

Dean glared and slammed out of the bunker, leaving her and the angel to watch him hurt alone.

A couple of weeks later and multiple nightmares later, Y/n decided to search out Lisa and Ben Braeden. To see how they were living with memories taken away from them. It wasn't hard to find them, the hard part was figuring out how to contact them without looking like a complete psycho. "Hello, you don't know me but I heard an angel gave you amnesia" didn't seem like best route, direct, yes but more apt to get the door slammed in her face.

She decided to go the FBI missing persons route. That's how she found herself sitting in Lisa's living room, drinking a cup of coffee discussing a four year old missing person's case.

Y/n passed her the pictures she had of Dean. One was from around the time he had been with Lisa, the other more recent.

"Here are some pictures of Mr. Winchester. Please study them and tell me anything you might know.", Y/n requested. 

Lisa looked at the pictures and then asked, "If he's been missing for four years, how do you have a recent picture?"

Oh crap..."Oh, age progression technology. Very advanced." Please believe me, please believe me.

"Wow, advanced is right!" Lisa answered and Y/n took as shuddering sigh as she murmured, "Nothing but the best for the Bureau"

Just then, her son Ben, came down from upstairs and Lisa called him over. She introduced the young man then asked him, "Have you ever seen this man? His family is looking for him." She handed him the pictures and he glanced at them. He shrugged and was about to hand them back after a cursory look but stopped. 

Ben flipped back to the picture of Dean when he would have last seen him. "Hey, yeah..mom? Isn't this the guy who hit us with his car? Put you in the hospital?"

Oh crap...


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean confronts Reader about meeting with Lisa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up rewriting this on the spur...I didn't like what I originally had so please forgive typos, etc. literary criticism is always welcome, :)

Y/n began to sweat when Lisa held her hand out for the photo again. Y/n was thankful that she had not taken off her dark suit jacket but was hoping that she didn't start sweating through. Her heart was pounding so hard, she thought they surely heard it.

Lisa's brow furrowed, "It does look like him," Lisa looked up at Y/n questioningly. Y/n brain went into overdrive as she scrambled for a cover.

"Interesting, when was this accident?", Y/n pulled out her notepad and pen. As Lisa told her about the accident four years before, Y/n pretended to write down details but in reality it was just scribbles, her hand was shaking too much to write actual words.

Y/n came up with something and prayed they'd accept it. "It seems that maybe Mr. Winchester might have sustain some type of brain injury. That could explain his missing status, he might have be suffering from memory loss. I better file this report, open up another avenue of investigation."

Y/n stood up on shaky legs and held her hand out for the photos. Lisa handed them over willingly and walked her to the door. As she let Y/n out, Lisa remarked, "That's so sad. His poor family; I'm sure his brother misses him terribly. I hope you find him."

Lisa shut the door behind while Y/n stood trembling on the front stoop. Y/n never mentioned that Dean had a brother. Just that his family was looking for him, but now she couldn't remember exactly what she had said. Everything seemed muddled and confused. She raised her hand to knock to make sure she hadn't mention Sam but lost her courage.

When Y/n finally told Dean she had seen Lisa and Ben, it wasn't pretty. 

"What the hell were you thinking, Y/n?" Dean demanded, pacing her small living room. It looked even smaller with his large frame taking up most of the space. It only took three of his strides to cross it.

Earlier, when y/n had called leaving the message she had gone to see Lisa, Dean immediately came over. She was surprised to see him standing at her door not long after she had hung up. It was the first time he had voluntarily sought her out.

He must still really care for her, she thought bitterly, no wonder I'm so easily pushed aside. 

When y/n didn't immediately answer his question, Dean rubbed his neck and asked awkwardly, "So...how..were they? Did she...you know..."

Y/n's bitterness faded, thinking what crap he must be going through, knowing that the woman he had cared, apparently still cared for, didn't remember anything about him.

"They were good. She's dating some guy and Ben was...tall. I wasn't able to get much information about him, he stayed upstairs. Likes video games.", she said softly sitting down on her couch. She picked at loose string on her sleeve.

Dean gave a little chuckle, "Heh...he liked those back then...as well..." His voice trailed off. He stood motionless in the middle of her living room, lost in thought, lost in the past. Y/n just sat on her couch and watched hm. He just stood there, shoulders slumped, hands dangling. 

Finally he gave himself a little shake and started towards the door. He stopped at her voice, "Hey, you wanna stay for dinner? It's not much but I...I..got a some leftover burgers and I think maybe some pie?" While she was talking, she had walked up behind him and placed her hand on his back. It felt so warm through the soft flannel and she could feel him breathing. 

Dean tensed up at her touch and began, "Nah, you know...I need to head back. Sam and I found a job in Spokane. Gonna head there in a few." Y/n grabbed his hand and pulled him around to face her. 

"You wanna know why I went there? To see Lisa?", she found the words, " I had to know...I had to know if they were truly living. A life and not just surviving. I can't...I can't imagine losing all memory of the man I love and not feel some kind of loss."

Dean shook his head and said harshly, "Don't say that, Y/n..."

"Say what, Dean? That I love you?", Y/n asked lifting her hand to place on his cheek. "Even if I didn't say it, it wouldn't change the way I feel."

Dean let his eyes drift closed and he leaned into her palm. "I love you, Dean Winchester.", she whispered. Oh how he had missed her touch. He would listen to her voice mails every night when he didn't sleep but it sounded so much sweeter in person. Without thinking he began leaning towards her whispering her name.

And that was the trigger. Suddenly Y/n was back there, locked in the motel room, strapped to the chair. Dean was standing behind her, hand fisted in her hair, pulling her head back, mouth against her ear, knife against her neck. He was saying her name softly, sweetly "Y/n...y/n" 

"Oh, sweet , darling Y/n... How I'm going to make you scream" And she did. Over and over and over.

Dean frantically called Cas and Sam to her apartment as he desperately tried to bring her up out of her memories, but she only screamed louder at his voice. 

It was sometime later and Cas was still trying to pull her out of it. Y/n was slowly becoming aware of someone screaming and it felt like she was looking at herself from the outside. Cas was holding her in his arms, talking to her over her screams while Sam was holding back an equally upset Dean.

"Cas, now! Do it now! Don't you see what I do to her every time she sees me!", Dean was yelling at the angel who ignored him.

"Come on, Dean, calm down.", Sam was trying to stay calm himself but he was getting frustrated. He was very tempted to punch Dean and knock his ass out. He tightened his grip against his struggling brother.

Cas was getting equally frustrated himself with the situation which Dean wasn't helping by yelling at him and Cas finally pressed his lips to Y/n's forehead putting her into a deep sleep. Dean felt a illogical ripple of jealousy seeing Cas kiss her and then a flare of panic at the thought that the angel had finally given in to his demands therefore taken away her memories of him. The fear of losing her like he had lost Lisa made him lose his strength and caused him to sag in Sam's embrace.

Sam, not expecting the change, practically staggered to his knees trying to keep Dean upright. He let go of Dean as his brother continued to sink to the ground. Sam slowly backed away. Dean caught himself by falling back his heels then rested on his knees. He demanded of Cas,"Did you do it? Does she remember me?" Sam's heart wrenched at how vulnerable his brother looked and he knew Dean would never forgive himself for letting Sam and Cas see him at his weakest. Dean covered his face with his hands, waiting for Cas to confirm his fear.

Cas sighed, "No, Dean. She's just sleeping. I refuse to do that again without consent ."

Dean awkwardly crawled to her and pulled her out of Cas's arms. He buried his face in her hair and wept. "I'm so selfish, so damn selfish. I tell her to forget me but oh god, I don't want her to. I couldn't survive it."

"Then tell her that, Dean!", Sam commanded. "She loves you, Dean. Probably more than Lisa ever did, and that's saying something!" Why did his brother believe he didn't deserve her love? Why did he insist on punishing himself and Y/n in the process.

Cas looked at Dean and agreed, "You took her to the edge of hell, yet she still loves you."

"Why?!", Dean growled into her neck as he held her limp body against himself.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader comes to aid of Dean and Sam

It has been three months since y/n told Dean she had seen Lisa. Three months since she woke up alone in her bed after having a terrible nightmare about what had happened. Just as long since Dean spoke to her directly. She could count on one hand how many times he actually stayed in the room with her longer than five minutes. 

Now she was standing in her living room crying again over that stupid man while Cas was sitting on her couch trying to convince her that the said stupid man still cared for her. Y/n was just very, very tired of it all.

"Maybe...maybe I should just stop. Give him space it seems he wants," Y/n said sitting down beside Cas. She let her head fall onto to his shoulder wearily. She laughed when he awkwardly patted her head but the laugh faded as he said, "Don't give up. It's what he expects."

Y/n was brought out of her musings when her phone rang, Sam's name flashing on the screen. Ever since Dean died, she always got anxious when Sam call. At the same time, Cas sat up straight. "Dean is calling me." While he was speaking, Y/n answered the phone and could hear Sam yelling, "If Cas is with you, we need him!"

Y/n jerked her head towards Cas, "They're in trouble."

"I must go." Cas told her but Y/n grabbed his hand.

"Take me.", she demanded.

"I will not. Dean will be angry.", Cas argued.

"I don't give a rat's ass and while you argue with me, Dean might be dead!", Y/n yelled tightening her gripping, knowing full well she really couldn't hold him back. Y/n could hear, see and feel the displeasure and exasperation radiate off of Cas but he took her hand nonetheless .

Suddenly she felt the earth spinning and found herself standing in an abandoned building. She could hear Sam yelling for Dean in another part of the house, yet for a moment she couldn't get her bearings. While she waited for the floor to reposition underneath her, Y/n felt for the small silver knife she kept strapped to her side. Cas had already left her to look for the brothers.

Once she could tell up from down, Y/n followed the yelling and turned the corner just in time to see Dean being slammed into the far wall. Once he hit, he slid down and didn't move while his attacker approached for another shot. Without second thought, Y/n ran , which was an accomplishment since she still felt like she was listing to the left. It was almost like running on the deck of a boat caught sideways on a wave. Y/n yelled as loud as she could and jumped on his back not even knowing what the monster was. 

Y/n began trying to ram her silver knife in the base of its neck, figuring it was one way to slow it down at least. Once it was over its momentary surprise, the monster began fighting to get her off . Y/n struggled to keep her hold as she stabbed one last time in his neck, getting her knife stuck between two vertebrae The handle had already been slick with her sweat, now it had his blood causing her difficulty in maintaining a good grip.

He was able to shake Y/n loose, throwing her roughly to the ground. Y/n crab crawled backwards, scrambling to get back while she frantically searched for anything to use as a weapon. The really ugly and now really angry bastard grabbed the front of her jacket and slammed her onto the floor. Yeah, he was angry, y/n thought needlessly as her limbs seemed to flop without her control. In an almost detached way, she thought, this creep could kill me this next time he slams me down. Then she was dropped suddenly as his head tumbled into her lap. 

The head stared up at her unseeing and all she could do was weakly push it away with an "ew, gross" She now assumed the ugly bastard was a vamp, seeing Sam's choice of weapon. Sam was standing, machete dripping, over the body. He was struggling to get his breath. There had been several vamps in the nest. Y/n just fell back onto the ground, closing her eyes against the queasiness she feeling.

They could hear Dean groaning as Cas squatted down beside Y/n asking if she was okay. 

"Well, I'm just freaking fantastic over here, thanks for asking.", Dean mumbled as he sat up.

Cas looked over at him impassively and agreed, "Yes, you're fine.", before reaching out to examine Y/n. She shook her head slowly when he raised a brow asking the silent question if she needed him to heal anything. She just need to rest a bit. 

Dean groaned to his feet, muttering, "I probably broke some ribs and you're getting your panties in a twist over a little head bump."

Cas s "First of all, I am not wearing women's undergarments and second, head injuries are not a light matter."

Dean rolled his eyes but then turned his full attention onto Y/n.

"What the hell was that, Y/n?", he demanded. He strode over and yanked her silver knife out of the vamp's body. It was covered with the vamp's blood, already getting sticky as the blood dried.

"What is it with you girls and your damn pigstickers? You are going to get yourself killed with this useless piece of crap!", he snapped dropping it on the ground beside her in disdain. His heart twisted just a bit at the memory of another girl he lost, who carried a similar knife but he pushed that emotion back down where it belonged. Along with every other feeling. Dean covered his fear of losing y/n with anger.

Y/n's eyes snapped with fury, "Well, I might have just saved your life with that pigsticker, Dean!"

"Pffft," Dean waved his hand at her in dismissal, "Sam's the one who saved me, he took off it's head. You just pissed it off." 

Sam argued, "I actually think she distracted him long enough until I could get there. She wasn't useless, Dean. She helped us."

"This time, maybe. But she's weak, Sam and that's going to get herself or one of us killed one day! Y/n has no damn business being around all this!", Dean exploded.

"I was a hunter a long time before I meet you, Dean!", Y/n yelled, getting to her feet.

"Yeah, that was gong so well. Who had to save your ass from that group of werewolves? Why the hell do you think you're still alive? Because of us!" Dean was red in the face with anger.

Y/n countered,"I have helped! I may not be as strong physically as you but I have fought well beside you, not to mention discovered answers in researching that have helped you!"

"Aw, that crap Sam can do in his sleep. He was just humoring you, letting you think you belonged.", Dean pushed hard. When Y/n didn't answer immediately he pushed even harder, "You don't belong with us, Y/n! You never did!" Dean turned on his heel ignoring his brother yelling his name.

He threw a command over his shoulder, "Take her home, Cas and leave her there." 

Y/n finally snapped and chased after Dean, pounding on his back once she caught up. 

"How dare you! How dare you say that I am weak and useless! That I don't belong, what gives you that right?", Y/n knew in the back of her mind that she was out of control and seriously in danger of losing her freaking mind. She just couldn't take it anymore. 

Dean spun around and grabbed her wrists, "Yes! Y/n you are weak! You let your feelings for me put you in jeopardy and you almost died! Weakness gets you killed!"

"You're not talking about today, are you? You're talking about..then", Y/n quit trying to struggle against his grip. She went completely still and felt cold as she looked up into his angry face.

"You blame me for what happened in that motel room? That it's my fault that I was beaten and raped until almost the point of death?", she whispered.

Dean gave the last brutal push, "If you weren't so uselessly in love with me, the Mark wouldn't have anything to use!" He shoved her backwards roughly into Cas.

"I said take her home," Dean roared.

Y/n didn't struggle when Cas wrapped an arm around her. She didn't respond when Sam tried to talk with her. She just there staring at Dean's retreating back.

Finally she spoke,"Ok, Cas. Wipe my memory."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas alters Readers memories but not the way he was expected to...

"Wait, Y/n...please.", Sam begged her. "Wait a couple of days, let him cool down and try talking with him again."

Y/n answered dully, "I have tried to talk with him for six months, Sam. He's made his choice."

She looked up at Cas,"But, I have some concessions before you do anything." Cas didn't look happy at all but he nodded and took her home. 

Dean had not gone far, he had turned the corner and was leaning against the wall where he could hear the entire conversation between y/n, Sam, and Cas. It took everything in him not to break down right then. He told himself, just get to the bunker, to his room and then he would continue drinking himself to death. Just make it home. 

It was a couple of days after the incident with the vampire, that Y/n finally spoke with Sam about exactly what she had asked Cas to do. Sam hugged her tight and cried when he heard. "You sure?" She nodded unable to speak because of her own tears. Sam couldn't help but think how immensely idiotic his brother was. 

A week later after Cas had altered her memory, Y/n and Sam were sitting at a coffee shop together. Dean stood just outside leaning on Baby watching them. Cas had told him a few days before taht he had done what he had asked, with some modifications. Cas was refusing to speak with him again, right now. He was angry about what he had done. Apparently, it included being able to remember Sam and Cas. Dean assumed that must be why they were meeting here instead of the bunker. So they wouldn't accidentally run into Dean and having to explain why she didn't know about Sam's older brother. 

He missed her. All he had left was a few months worth of voice mails that he would still listen to every time he was alone. Except for the last one, he hadn't listened to it. He could only assume it was good bye. He just couldn't bring himself to hear that from her, not yet. So he would listen to all her messages from when she was still trying to remind him how it was before...when she loved him. That had been a constant, no matter how hard he had tried to push her. That was all gone now.

Dean watched her laugh easily with Sam and finally thought, screw this shit, let's see how good a job Cas did. He knew he was just torturing himself. Lisa had no idea who he was after Cas had altered her memories. He didn't expect anything different with y/n. He deserved the pain.

Dean pushed into the coffee shop, inhaling the smell of brewing coffee and internally scoffing at the douches with their whipped cream crappichinos. He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets to hide the fact they were trembling and sauntered up to Sam's table. His mask slipped on effortlessly.

Sam caught sight of his brother, swagger exaggerated which he knew was to hide Dean's nervousness. Okay, thought Sam, here's where the shit can potentially hit the fan. He had not been convinced with y/n's plan when she had told him about it but there was no turning back now. It was a done deal. He had a front row view of this train wreck.

Y/n caught his aw hell face before he went expressionless. She turned slightly and could see someone approaching the table but wasn't quite sure if she knew who it was. Y/n didn't want to turn and gape idiotically, she would just meet him when he got to the table.

"Hiya Sam," Dean was the first to speak and without waiting for Sam to reply, he began to babble, "I saw you through the window and thought I'd come in, get a coffee." He turned to Y/n and stuck out hand, "I'm Dean."

Y/n quirked an eyebrow at the huge hand shoved in her face but took it with a polite, "Hello, Dean." Dean ignored how it fit so perfectly in his. She gently but politely withdrew her hand from his while he tried not to stare. 

"So what are you kids up to?", Dean, finally snapping out of it, asked sitting down at the table with them. Sam rolled his eyes, "Really, Dean? I'm sorry Y/n , I really wasn't expecting.." Dean cut him off looking at Y/n.

"Y/n, that's a beautiful name," Dean flirted around the lump in his throat. No one would ever have known his heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. Y/n smiled so sweetly at his baby brother. 

"It's okay, Sam.", Y/n patted Sam's hand, smiling now at Dean. Dean's eyes latched onto her hand resting on top of Sam's.

Dean's throat tighten and oh god, he better a damn grip on himself. He's about to start bawling like a damn baby, because she didn't remember him. How could she smile at him like that, if she did? Gone was the haunted look, in its place was a look he hadn't seen since before the Mark.

Y/n was smiling at him, expectantly, apparently she had asked him a question but he was too caught up in not acting like a complete ass so he missed it.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat the question, I was distracted by your beauty.", Dean stalled with a forced grin.

"Oh my god, Dean!", Sam slapped his palms onto the table in exasperation. 

Y/n just giggled like she did when they were first in love and she hadn't found out yet he was poison in her veins. He had to leave..right now. 

Dean jumped up, almost knocking his chair over. "You know? Hey, I gotta take Baby, my, car to...I just need...,"

Y/n grasped his wrist gently, "Why are you in such a hurry to leave, Dean?"

"I'm not, I just remembered I forgot something.", he flashed a grin blindly in her direction, he really needed to get the hell out of dodge.

Y/n laughed softly, "Ok, see you later, Dean."

Dean almost wrecked Baby trying to get to the liquor store. His hands clutching the steering wheel like a life line. He was going to buy the biggest damn bottle, then once he was in the bunker he would play the last voice mail. He was going to say good bye and then drink himself into oblivion.

\-----

Sam watched his brother leave, "I'm sorry, Y/n. My brother is a special kind of stupid."

Y/n just smiled but didn't respond. She only stood and slung her purse over her shoulder.

"Sam, can you give me a ride?", she asked.

\----

An hour later, y/n sat nervously chewing on her thumb nail. She shivered slightly, thinking crap it's cold. Sam had been reluctant to leave her alone but she assured him she would be alright. Now she was trying not to second guess herself. She glanced at the clock on the desk, sighing. It was ticking very very slowly.

\------

Dean had made good on his promise of getting the largest bottle but not so much on waiting until he got to the bunker to start it. He was half way into it as he barged into the bunker, slamming the door behind him. He threw his jacket onto a library table and slipped his phone into his shirt pocket. Although he was drinking already, he still wasn't ready to listen. 

"Sammy?!", he yelled but he didn't hear an answering response. He was probably still with Y/n. Dean stumbled onto to his room, drinking as he went. 

\-----

Y/n jumped when she heard something bang outside her door. She took a steading breath as the door swung open. 

\-----

Dean pushed open his door and froze. Y/n sat on his bed. Dean closed his eyes, rubbed them opened them again. She was still there, and very very...naked?

"Um, y/n...you waiting for Sammy? Cause this ain't his room...it's..", he gestured behind him in the direction of Sam's room.

"No Dean," she slowly stood up. 

Dean couldn't help but stare, he had not seen this view in a very long time and the last time he kept trying to forget. 

"Heh, yeah...well I know I'm sexy as shit but....don't you think you should find Sam? I didn't mean to give off any weird come on vibes", he swallowed closing his eyes. 

Y/n stepped up and took his phone out of his shirt pocket. 

"When I asked you in the coffee shop if you had listened to the voice mail, you never answered. Have you?", she asked holding out the phone. 

Dean's eyes snapped open,"What voice mail?" 

"My last one, silly.", she pressed speaker and then played it. The week old message filled the silence. 

" Hello, Dean. Ok..so Cas has done what you wanted him to do...sort of. Don't get angry at him or Sam. It was all me. They were strong armed into doing it. Call me when you get this so we can talk." Dean looked at her in confusion, she only smiled.

"You sent that after Cas tried? So it didn't work?", Dean asked. 

"What I asked Cas to do worked. I can't remember anything from after the bar up until I woke up here after he healed me. I know some thing bad happened, but it's walled up, blocked...for now. It will stay that way until you are ready to talk about it but until then ..." She unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. For once he wasn't wearing fifteen hundred layers of clothing and she was thankful. She probably would have lost her nerve. Y/n wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his bare chest. "Stop pushing me away, Dean. You are going through hell, but you don't have to be alone." 

Dean's head fell back as her lips brushed against his chest. He could feel his resolve weaken. It had been so long...he fought against it.

Dean tried to break her embrace but she held tighter. Y/n placed one hand on his right arm, mirroring the ghost of a handprint from so long ago, when another had pulled him up from the dark; her other hand rested on his left arm and she traced the Mark gently. Dean shivered under her touch. For once it didn't ache. She whispered, "Love isn't always pretty, sometimes its ugly. I will always be here...to bring you back home out of the dark."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole story ended up being bit harder to write and I hope I did it justice. :p


End file.
